Pokemon Go and get stuffed


‘That’s the last time I take acid before using Google maps’

On my walk home from the train station the other day I passed through a nearby park, as I do every evening. It’s normally dark at the time I’m making this journey, and the park is so poorly lit that it’s practically pitch black, even just after 6pm.

Previously, I’ve seen a person urinating, I’ve seen a guy presumably passed out (but possibly dead) against a fence, and I’ve also seen teens making out on the play equipment. What these people have in common is the preference for darkness and the anonymity it creates, and I’m always fine to leave them to their activities, marching on and listening to music as I think about what’s for dinner, and why it’s not always tacos.

So you can imagine my surprise when I happened across what looked like the disembodied head of an Asian girl about 14 years old standing in the middle of the darkness. What the fuck was she doing other than being terrifying? Why was she unsupervised in an unlit park at night? Was she a ghost? Was she doing a Peter Dutton impersonation?

No. It turns out her face was lit up by her phone screen, as nearly all kids faces are these days, and she was wandering around, completely oblivious to me, looking for something. I let her be. Continue reading


Baby Got Hacked

Who needs a naked pic when there are thousands of these?

Who needs nudity? fapfapfapfapfap

I understand the issues that have been raised by the recent celebrity picture cloud-hacking-scandalgate, even if they don’t affect me personally.

Before you forget what that issue is and think solely in terms of bewbs and poo-say, remember that nudity is NOT the issue. Everyone should be allowed to take naked pictures of themselves, it’s your God-given right, dammit!

My parents took a multitude of pictures of me in the bath and even one incredibly embarrassing picture of me on the toilet when I was younger. Who would pay for that? No one – at least I hope not, anyway.

We all have photos that we wish could never see the light of day. I’m not sure what my point was just then, but now you get to enjoy the mental image of me sitting on the toilet or lazing about the bath with strategically-placed foam. Mmmm. Continue reading