Pokemon Go and get stuffed


‘That’s the last time I take acid before using Google maps’

On my walk home from the train station the other day I passed through a nearby park, as I do every evening. It’s normally dark at the time I’m making this journey, and the park is so poorly lit that it’s practically pitch black, even just after 6pm.

Previously, I’ve seen a person urinating, I’ve seen a guy presumably passed out (but possibly dead) against a fence, and I’ve also seen teens making out on the play equipment. What these people have in common is the preference for darkness and the anonymity it creates, and I’m always fine to leave them to their activities, marching on and listening to music as I think about what’s for dinner, and why it’s not always tacos.

So you can imagine my surprise when I happened across what looked like the disembodied head of an Asian girl about 14 years old standing in the middle of the darkness. What the fuck was she doing other than being terrifying? Why was she unsupervised in an unlit park at night? Was she a ghost? Was she doing a Peter Dutton impersonation?

No. It turns out her face was lit up by her phone screen, as nearly all kids faces are these days, and she was wandering around, completely oblivious to me, looking for something. I let her be. Continue reading


Assholes on a Train IV: All Stations to Bastardville


How about YOU shoosh, lady

It seems like every trip I take on a train of late fills me with inspiration for these posts.


Allow me to set the scene – you’ve boarded your peak hour train in the morning or the afternoon, ready for a long day or just coming home from one. You meander up or down the steps of the carriage with the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a seat. From your spot on the second step of the staircase, lo and behold, you see one of the three-person seats, WITH ONLY TWO PEOPLE SITTING ON IT. Oh happy day!

You stroll on over and ask (sometimes without actually speaking, more pointing to the vacant spot and raising your eyebrows inquisitively) if you can join the party and help the seat reach its maximum capacity, letting it fulfil the purpose for which it was made. What you’re met with is a tense, resentment-filled and thinly-disguised eye-roll as the person on the end, instead of just sliding over, picks up their belongings and stands in the aisle so you can take the middle seat, giving you an air of “if you must” – YES I MUST – FUCK YOU!

Continue reading

Assholes on a Train Part II: Assholier Than Thou

pennoI honestly didn’t expect the first instalment of my contempt for pricks on public transport to receive much attention, but it got more than anything else I’ve written for about a year. It helps to know that I’m not alone in my unabashed hatred for these public transport pricks.

Did you honestly think that there were only two types? Ha! I present to you now the long-awaited (2 days) sequel, featuring even more of those fuckwits we all love to hate.

Continue reading

At The Movies With Javid #26

THE MIST (2007)

"Fark, must be an oil leak"

“Fark, must be an oil leak”

Apart from some rare instances like It and The Shining, quite often the suspenseful work of Stephen King has been let down on the screen by poor acting and a layer of cheese that upsets the stomach. This didn’t stop me watching The Mist.

Based on an old King novella, it’s the story of an entire town that finds itself shrouded in a thick mist, creating zero visibility. The mist settled after a severe storm, and a large amount of the town was in the supermarket buying supplies at the time. Naturally, they’re trapped. Continue reading

Why I Love Berlin

Back in 2010 standing like a douche was in style. And yes, that's me.

Back in 2010 standing like a douche was in style. And yes, that’s me.

A few weeks ago I posted on social media about how much I missed and desired to return to what I believe is one of the greatest cities in the world – Berlin. Instead of everyone agreeing with me as they always do and going “yeah Dave, you’re right” (preferably while patting me on the back and pouring me a scotch) – I was actually asked why I like it.

I responded by saying that I would write a blog, so here it is. Continue reading