That’s what happens when you swim a lot and don’t wash it!

I’ve been thinking about my semi-annual beard trim a fair bit lately, probably thanks to the heat. The thing was, of all the beards I’ve had (and I’ve had a few), the last one I had was easily my favourite. It was large, healthy, colourful and more.

Alas, a severe bout of unusual summertime hay fever the other day led to me shaving it off in a frenzied rage. Normally shaving a beard off causes you a bit of regret after you do it – but by now, I’ve learned that they grow back, and rather quickly, too.

But I couldn’t let my last beard – Beard VIII – go off without acknowledging its majesty, so enjoy this poem: 

Some people out there say
That when a man should shave is never
But I doubt that many of them know
The next one’s always better 

Now I’m a man who can say with pride
I’ve had some beards in my time
I’ve seen them come and go
And now I’m up to number nine 

But I would be remiss
If I tried to understate
The admiration I developed
For my good friend – Beard the Eighth

I remember when we first met
Those short hairs upon my chin
It was the eighth, remember
So it was anything but thin 

It made its way down my neck
And upward to my cheeks
I was back to a hefty standard
After only 4 weeks 

But I decided to keep going
As I have at times before
But Beard the Eighth, it’s majesty
It couldn’t be ignored 

It hardly needed shaping
It was so very thick
If I’d had a pair of glasses
I would have been Newtown-hip 

It was a land of colour
A multitude of shades
Brown and ginger, blonde and black
Even white and grey 

The moustache part was elegant,
I could curl the edges round
And as it’s growth went on and on
It continued to astound 

Instead of turning sparse and thin
It’s growth never subsided
It looked just like Ned Kelly’s beard
Crossed with that of Poseidon

It’s always hard to say goodbye
To a beard that’s so divine
But now I’m waiting eagerly
To meet Beard number 9 

So if you’re scared of shaving
Just remember, it grows back
A beard can’t give you character,
If it’s character you lack

It might give you anxiety
But trust me, you’ll be fine
You can meet Beard number two
While I meet Beard IX