Javid’s 2014: The Good & The Bad

3015962-poster-typingIn the running commentary I’ve seen, I can’t help but form the impression that 2014 was a far less enjoyable year for many than 2013. That’s not to say it was a horrid year of misfortune by any means, though.

Enjoy (or don’t), my high and low-lights of 2014. No, I didn’t douse myself in a bucket of ice water, nor did I have anything to do with the wide variety of missing and/or downed aircraft throughout the year. Let’s go.

THE GOOD:

First and foremost surely has to be quitting smoking. It’s been one of those things all smokers mean to do at one stage or another, and I’ve already waxed lyrical about it multiple times. It might even have made me fitter if I didn’t spend so much time gorging myself on Nutella straight from the jar – although I did complete the 30-day ab challenge and (very loosely) maintained an exercise regimen since then.

I’ve saved a shitload of money, I’m (marginally) healthier, it was the greatest decision I’ve made in a long time – and if you’re thinking of doing it for a New Year’s Resolution I say FUCK THAT, do it now! If you’re waiting 2 more days you’ll be waiting much longer. Continue reading

At The Movies With Javid #20

The pop-up cannibal cookbook, available this Christmas

The pop-up cannibal cookbook, available this Christmas

The Babadook (2014)

As you probably know, I’m always after a horror film that can succeed in giving me the (pardon my French) ‘heebee-jeebees’ – but unfortunately they’re few and far between. So far this year (if you’ve been reading my reviews, and I know you haven’t) I’ve only encountered one such film this year, and even then it wasn’t great.

The worst of them all was the Australian Wolf Creek 2, a blatant cash in on its enjoyable predecessor – so it was with a certain level of scepticism that I got my hands on the highly-praised Australian film The Babadook. Continue reading

Trying To Flick The Bean

coffee-beansAS most of you are probably aware (mainly because I won’t shut up about it), this year saw me say goodbye to my long-term relationship with cigarettes.

In the lead up to it I wondered how and if I’d be able to maintain the things I enjoyed with a cigarette, in particular COFFEE.

It was surprisingly easy. Even now, with no desire to have a cigarette, I CANNOT deny the heavenly way the brown liquid and the slightly lighter-brown, heavily processed plant compliment each other, as I’m sure hundreds of thousands of people can testify. Continue reading

Tony Abbott vs Timmy Trumpet – Freaks (#auspol REMIX)

freakscoverFrom the guy who bought you that Abbottrang video back when the election campaign was on (me), here’s a BRAND SPANKING NEW Tony Abbott jam full of highlights and characters from the year gone by. It’s a pretty freaking awesome track, too.

If you ask me it’s the best one. I was going to say best one yet but it’s unlikely I’ll do another. Unlike the others, this was made during time I WASN’T paid for, more for fun. Will it catch on? Most probably not. I’ve probably chosen a bad time to release it but my Adobe trial ends soon and I’m impatient. Maybe I’ll push it again before NYE, maybe I’ll even let the artist know – hopefully he takes it as a compliment.

Aaanyway, ENJOY! Or don’t. I really don’t care.

At The Movies With Javid #19

ERMAHGERD!

ERMAHGERD!

Network (1976)

With the events of yesterday still fresh in the mind it’s interesting to look back on some of the films I’ve watched recently. If you’ve never seen network, the opening scene says enough – a drunken news anchor, about to be fired due to poor ratings, concocts the idea to tell people he’s going to kill himself on live television. Continue reading

Target’s Grand Theft Morality

GTAV

The game stereotypes stoners! I’m off to change.org!

If you’re even remotely interested in either video games or moral decency, there’s a chance you’ve heard, at some stage this week, that the retailers Target and KMart have decided to stop selling copies of Grand Theft Auto V (GTA V from here out.)

They’ve cited the violence against women that the game portrays as their justification, which in itself is hard to argue against. Sure there’s the actual auto theft, the mowing down of a host of innocent civilians (female and male), the heists and the glorification of all violence (and let’s face it, it’s fucking fun), but lets go with the violence against women thing. It was White Ribbon day last week y’know!

The move was apparently started by an online petition by domestic violence victims, who seemingly didn’t realise the game has already been out for a year and is part of a franchise that has never changed its mentality about violence – AND HAS BEEN COMING OUT SINCE 1998. Continue reading

At The Movies With Javid #18

Let’s not muck about!

OK, maybe just once

OK, maybe just once

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

When I found out they were rehashing this beloved franchise, my eyes lit up like the child I used to be, fat and stuffing my face with Cheezels®. When I heard the subsequent words ‘Michael Bay’ the ‘awwww’ was audible. You’re probably aware that the Transformers movies are my benchmark for appalling cinema.

Perhaps it was because my expectations were non-existent, perhaps it’s because I was a little bit baked, but this film, while still appalling, didn’t disgust me.

Yes, it completely does away with the origin story of the first films. Splinter does NOT learn martial arts from Hamato Yoshi, he just randomly picks it up from reading a book in the sewer. I’m sorry, but a rat developing literacy is far less believable than learning martial arts through mimicry of a master (which I know is also unbelievable, shut up). The turtles weren’t named by the Splinter in this film – in a delightfully cheesy coincidence they end up being the turtles that April O’Niell named and owned as a child (nonsense, complete and utter nonsense). Continue reading