Today’s first poem was written in stark contrast to the 50,000 word novel I’m attempting to write this month as part of NaNoWriMo, contrasted against the pay-rates of freelance writers. There are moments where I think it’s shit and I should be writing something else instead – perhaps something hilarious and skitty – but no. The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is that nothing teaches you quite how bleak and potentially psychotic you are like writing a Thriller. Anyway, here we go.
The stories I write are bleak
And I think that my sketches are funny
But you and I both know I’m kidding myself
If I think that they’ll make any money
Part of the reason I undertook NaNoWriMo on the fly is because I’d become disillusioned with that other famous monthly challenge, Movember. I’ve had a beard for a while and, while I was happy to shave it down to a mo to raise money, I wasn’t going to clean shave myself. I’ve done Movember before, many times, from scratch. If you ask me, as someone with experience, I’d say that someone shaving off their massive beard for charity is just as, if not more significant, than someone attempting to grow a seedy moustache in 30 days – but I might be the only one.
Anyway, enjoy the frustration of a bearded man against the ‘rules’ of charity.
I’ve had this beard for months now
We’ve both grown quite attached
I could say that it’s grown on me
But you’d probably groan at that
This isn’t the first one either
I call this beard ‘the eighth’
It’s not the first or last time
I’ll have fuzz upon my face
And so here comes Movember
I’d like to answer the call
But I can’t just shave out a moustache
I have to shave it all
Surely it’s the spirit of things
And not some fucking rules
If that’s the way you want to be
Enjoy your mo, you fools
I’ll sit here and strum my beard
Thankful it remains
And watch you try to grow a mo
From adolescent strains
You might say, “It’s the thought that counts”
I think that’s pretty weak
I would have said the exact same thing
But I get called a cheat
And there you have it. Two poems it probably took all of 6 minutes to write today. If it’s that quick and easy every time maybe this will become a regular thing. Enjoy your weekend!