Stingray: An Ode To The Sea

I'm coming for ya, kent!

I’m coming for ya, kent!

Avast ye, mateys, and let me share with you the tale of a man who was confused and shocked (in that order) of the terrible things he saw on the high seas. Continue reading

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Javid’s World Cup Preview – Part IV

It’s nearly over – thank God.

GROUP G

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GERMANY

Die Mannschaft – while the name sounds a bit like a penis reference (even though it literally just means ‘The Team’), Germany have been up there alongside Spain for consistency in major tournaments over the last decade. They qualified with ease and the team is more jammed up than a constipated elephant when it comes to class. Here’s hoping that on the pitch that class is able to once again be shat out all over their opposition with the seamless type of football that tore apart some world-class opposition… and Australia… last time. Then there’s coach Joachim Loew – a man who dresses so sharply ZZ Top went back in time and wrote a song about him. Continue reading

Javid’s World Cup Preview – Part III

I should never have started this thing with only a week to go…

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GROUP E

HONDURAS

They’re calling this the ‘strongest, most resilient’ team that Honduras has ever fielded in a World Cup. What does this mean exactly? For a team that’s never won a match on the World Cup stage and has a total of 3 points from 2 tournament outings – not a whole lot. Fortunately they face France first up, who have a history of starting appallingly, particularly when it comes to playing minnows (Senegal, anyone?). By many accounts their most exciting prospect, Andy Najar, will be sitting on the bench, making me wonder just how exciting the 11 Hondurans on the field can actually be. Continue reading

Javid’s World Cup Preview – Part II

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GROUP C

JAPAN

While some Australians might rationalise that we’re the better team, most of these people probably haven’t watched a football match since the 2006 World Cup. Names like Shinji Kagawa and Keisuke Honda are names people in Europe might actually recognise, and they’re predicted to go further than any other team from the Asian confederation (Iran, Australia, Korea – it’s not THAT difficult). What this actually means, however, is that they’ll finish third in their group. An accomplishment? If you’ve got low standards, sure. They might have been the second team to qualify but they’ll be one of the first out. This feeling will be rectified sometime in early 2015 when they win the Asian cup.  Continue reading

Javid’s World Cup Preview – Part I

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It’s that time of… every 4 years, so here we go with a run through the contenders and pretenders for the 2014 World Cup.

GROUP A

BRAZIL

When you invite a bunch of your friends over you generally clean up first. Not Brazil. Incomplete stadiums, Police shooting the disadvantaged, unsettled natives, it’s all part of a grand master plan to distract the opposition enough to get through to the knockout stages. If ‘poor but sexy’ turned Berlin into one of Europe’s favourite cities, one can’t help but feel Rio will be the next major city to get an autobahn and fall in love with David Hasselhoff. People are also confused over whether Brazil is spelled with an ‘s’ or a ‘z’. All I can say is ‘it depends if we’re playing scrabble or not’. Still, they can play. Continue reading